Media Makes the PSP Look Enjoyable…if you Like Porn that is.

My God. The Media is at it again. This time Philadelphia’s Fox 29 decided to do a story about the dangers of the internet, but the spin this time is that all of these dangers can be access from a child’s PSP. OMGWTFLOLBBQ!!!!!

First let’s watch the riveting footage, then we’ll break it down for you like only VGBlogger can.

Read on for our in-depth breakdown.

0:11 – Oh, “PlayStation Pornable.” See what they did there? That’s so clever!
0:24 – How do you know that I wouldn’t give my child pornography? Of course they’re children, so I imagine they’d go for the hentai over real porn at that age.
0:54 – Yes, the PSP is powerful for being that small, however why aren’t they telling anyone that it takes like 10 minutes to do any website browsing online? Seriously, the PSP has the most horrible text entry system ever invented. It’s even worse than my cell phone.
1:02 – Mr. Police Officer, when you say “anywhere” why didn’t you qualify that with “that has a wireless network?” Oh right, the media’s trying to scare parents. I forgot.
1:05 – Hmm….All this time I thought Pandora’s Box was filled with hope. Now I know that it’s actually full of slam-bangin’ porn. SWEET!
1:12 – Dear retarded parent. Your assumption that the PSP is made only “for kids.” is incorrect. Sorry. I wants my porn dammit!
1:30 – Holy crap! We just found out that teenage boys like teh boobies!!!!!11 SHOCKING!
1:40 – We also find that the IT staff of the horny teenager’s school is staffed by a bunch of idiots since their wireless network isn’t secured.
1:46 – Look quick, the search entry that the news focuses on is none other than that filthy porn site Joystiq.
1:50 – Oh look, Wired News has also entered the porn industry.
1:55 – Damn those credit cards, keeping me from all the good porn.
2:16 – Can’t “hatred, violence, and the means to carry out deadly schemes” be access through any computer that has an internet connection? All this time I never knew that I had to use my PSP to access this information. Oh, and not all gaming devises in the U.S. with an internet connection can display webpages….ass.
2:30 – So wait, are we still talking about the internet now or violent video games? I’m so confused! I NEED PORN TO HELP ME FOCUS!
2:31 – Did anyone really buy Mortal Kombat for the PSP? I mean really.
2:54 – It sounds more to me like the police just needed an excuse to play World of Warcraft at work.
2:55 – Random Guy: “Because it will actually tell you what the kid inputted.” Oh will it? What are you even talking about?
3:01 – Okay, now I’m convinced that we’re no longer talking about the PSP. What PSP game has a chat component? Very few if any.
3:07 – Sexual predators use chat rooms to communicate? ORLY?
3:30 – Yes, because everyone is interested in playing GUN Showdown, including 52 year-old men that live in their basement and 13 year-old girls.
3:50 – What? The news actually said something that made sense! Parents should take control and find out what the devices they purchase for their children can do and put parental locks in place if they feel something is not right for little Timmy.
4:04 – Now this report has turned into an after-school special on telling kids to have a high self-esteem.
4:28 – Talk to my children? No, I’d rather just throw expensive devices at them and get mad when I find that they’re looking at boobies.

About the Author

Having over 25 years of gaming experience, Zach knows a thing or two when it comes to one of his favorite entertainment activities. Additionally, he has also written many articles previewing and reviewing titles which can be found in various places around the net, including VGBlogger.com.