The Portal Board Game is Not a Lie


Designed by Cryptozoic Entertainment in collaboration with Valve, Portal: The Uncooperative Cake Acquisition Game is the official board game adaptation of everyone’s favorite first-person puzzle game series.

Test Subjects interested in participating in this tabletop experiment of fun (for science, of course!) can now pre-order the Portal board game from Welovefine for a discounted early adopter price of $45 (the full purchase price will be $50), with a ship date currently scheduled for October 2nd.

The package will even include a free Steam key for Portal 2–though I would imagine anyone who cares enough about Portal to buy the board game has already played the video game, so I’m not sure how much value that freebie is really adding. But whatever, free is free. Just give the key to a friend and keep the voucher card as a collectible.

From the Welovefine product page, the setup for Portal: The Uncooperative Cake Acquisition Game is described as follows:

With a grinding of gears and some uneasy rumbling, Aperture Laboratories has resumed testing! Your team of Test Subjects have entered the Lab and are ready to perform all sorts of important, dignified, and dangerous testing procedures… all in the pursuit of Cake! It’s a fun and funny fast-paced fight to the finish. And by finish, we mean your team probably died.

The Lab is an ever-changing conveyor belt of death and dismemberment. But SCIENCTIFIC PROGRESS must be at the forefront of the mind of every good Test Subject. In this game of constantly shifting area control and cardplay, players move and Portal their Test Subjects to various Chambers in the Lab. At the end of each player’s turn, one of the Chambers on the end of the Lab gives way, plunging all Test Subjects on it into oblivion. But should your Test Subjects have numbered greater than all others in the falling Chamber, they earn you some wonderful parting gifts, which can include Cake.

Yet, these moist slices of industrial-grade Cake must be stored in the Lab, where they are at risk of falling into said oblivion. Not to mention that your jealous opponents can pick up your Cake and move it closer to that precipice. He who has acquired the most Cake when a team has lost its last Test Subject is the winner. Do you risk gathering Cake early for a quick win? Or do you bide your time and wait until you can protect it better? Win the game and prove the Cake was no lie.

About the Author

Matt Litten is the full-time editor and owner of He is responsible for maintaining the day to day operation of the site, editing all staff content before it is published, and contributing regular news, reviews, previews and other articles. Matt landed his first gig in the video game review business writing for the now-defunct website After the sad and untimely close of BonusStage, the former staff went on to found After a short stint as US Site Manager for AceGamez, Matt assumed full ownership over VGBlogger, and to this day he is dedicated to making it one of the top video game blogs in all the blogosphere. Matt is a fair-minded reviewer and lover of games of all platforms and types, big or small, hyped or niche, big-budget or indie. But that doesn't mean he will let poor games slide without a good thrashing when necessary!