<\/p>\n

In the side-scrolling shooter Otomedius Excellent<\/em>, \u201cB\u201d stands for bullet hell. <\/p>\n

It also stands for something else–but not what you\u2019re thinking. No, really. Dude, why are you sniggering? The word I had in mind is \u201cboring.\u201d <\/p>\n

And that\u2019s not a word one typically associates with shmups, where the frantic shoot-and-dodge action, the screens filled with more projectiles than a Republican presidential debate, rarely if ever feels monotonous and soporific. <\/p>\n

But it does here, if only because Otomedius Excellent<\/em>, cloned from the same shmup DNA that gave us the legendary Gradius<\/em> games, advances the genre about as much as \u201c2 Broke Girls\u201d advances modern racial relations. The lone, um, curveball here is that instead of selecting which style of Vic Viper you\u2019d like to rock, you\u2019re asked to choose between a collection of chesty anime female pilots clad in various skimpy costumes. Let\u2019s hear it for immature chic, everyone.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s fine if you\u2019re into that sort of thing, but it presents a practical issue\u2014and no, I\u2019m not talking about navel-gazing existential discussions about how the girls\u2019 macram\u00e9-inspired outfits could possibly stay on in the heat of a firefight. Fact is that it\u2019s nigh-impossible to consistently dodge enemy fire when you\u2019re controlling a costumed woman perched astride an air scooter. The Gradius<\/em> ships tended to be sleek and slender affairs, but you\u2019re a fairly big target here, both horizontally and vertically. Even seasoned shmup players are going to be hard-pressed to get through the game\u2019s eight levels without a massive amount of \u201ccontinue\u201d presses.<\/p>\n

The good news is that you\u2019re rewarded for doing just that. The game\u2019s best feature is its upgrade system, which awards you points every time you play\u2014even if you flame out under the first waves of enemy fire. Eventually, you\u2019ll be able to add more formidable firepower to your arsenal, evening the odds a little against the skimpily clad enemies and tentacled\/robotic bosses. That\u2019s a good and needed thing, because the girls\u2019 basic attacks fall somewhere between anemic and peashooter. <\/p>\n

There\u2019s a story in here somewhere, but it\u2019s not worth deciphering it. The game\u2019s bosses are surprisingly pedestrian\u2014outside of a robotic snake that leaps out of a gigantic pool of lava, there\u2019s little to drop your jaw. There is, however, a lot of exclaiming in Japanese, both when your pilots are on the attack and when they\u2019ve just taken a laser sandwich upside the head. <\/p>\n

Those who live for DLC have struck gold with these girls. There are currently 30 different types available, ranging from new stages and characters from other Konami classics to more revealing costumes and gamer pics. Prices run the gamut from free all the way up to about 7 bucks per, so choose sensibly. <\/p>\n

Given the raging renaissance of shmup and bullet-hell offerings currently hitting on other platforms–specifically iOS devices, where classics like Rayforce<\/em> and Espgaluda<\/em> are reminding us of the beautiful heights of the genre\u2014it\u2019s impossible to escape the fact that there are plenty of better games like this out there right now, most of which cost a helluva lot less than this one. At its core, Otomedius Excellent<\/em> is a misnomer; ‘Otomedius Meh’ wouldn\u2019t have made for much of a marketing concept, but at least it would have been more honest. <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Pros:<\/strong>
\n+ Experience-based upgrade system rewards you for playing often
\n+ A metric ton of DLC available<\/p>\n

Cons:<\/strong>
\n– Dire lack of innovation is deadlier than enemy fire
\n– Big, um, footprint makes your pilots an easy target
\n– Anime jiggle\u2019s not much of a sell<\/p>\n

Game Info:<\/strong>
\nPlatform: Xbox 360
\nPublisher: Konami
\nDeveloper: Konami
\nRelease Date: 11\/8\/2011
\nGenre: Side-scrolling shooter
\nESRB Rating: Teen
\nPlayers: 1-3 (local and online)
\nSource: Review copy provided by publisher<\/p>\n